Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
