I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
