standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
