K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just google imaged poop.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize