I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
