It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Swine flu is the new snow day.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
