You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
