And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
