Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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