You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
