Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
