my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
