He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Randomize
