Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
