there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
