i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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