It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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