Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
