dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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