My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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