Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
