im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize