dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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