How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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