apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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