you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Mom said you looked used
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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