Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
