You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
