After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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