Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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