we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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