using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
