The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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