You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
