put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
