You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
