The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
