I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
