Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize