I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
