Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
