make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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