we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
PANTIES FOUND
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
