her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
