Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
