i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
