M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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