I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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