Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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