I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize