Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
