OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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