oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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