he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
