I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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