I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I love black thongs
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
