they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
