Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
