the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
