remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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