I cannot find my penis.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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