i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
