Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Randomize
