But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize