Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
