my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
