I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
