You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
