My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
