Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
