It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
