Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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