it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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