Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize