I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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