just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
