Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
