Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize