I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
