Your tits are I can't wait for
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
