I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
