i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
