im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
