If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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