I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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