we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize