awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
