Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
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