I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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