guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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