Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
