Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
