well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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