Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
