3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
