If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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