My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
