I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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