Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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