can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
