Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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