and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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