barbara walters just said penis...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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