how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
