please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
