I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
