good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
